Do my scars tell the right story?

Pastoral ministry will give you scars.

I’ve learned this hard reality over the past few years through both personal experience and conversations with fellow Pastors. Everyone has a battle story of being mistreated by a congregation or church leadership, and they are all intensely personal. When you swirl together your family and faith, two deeply personal arenas of life, and then lob in the hand-grenade of conflict someone is bound to walk away limping.

Often it is the pastor. Their competency or commitment are questioned, and their hearts are dragged through a swamp of emotions.

I’ve had my fair share of hurts in my brief time in ministry. Some were not of my own making, but other hurts were certainly contributed to by me (although unwittingly, I think). I truly believe that people rarely ever enter a conversation with the sole intention of wounding another person. However if the ancient stories have taught us anything it is this:

Word and deed born from pain often beget pain.

As I’ve continued to reflect on the past 15 months of my current adventure in ministry I am beginning to rediscover old scars. Every scar begs a question that tells a story. “I fell out of tree” or “I got hit by a rock” or “My brother hit me with a softball”. Sometimes, however, the scars we collect cause us to ask the wrong question and tell the wrong story.

Am I scheduling enough events for the teens?

Is our weekly Youth Group attendance acceptable to the Church Board?

Am I responding the requests of parents quickly enough?

Am I doing enough…?

 

The downward spiral of self-doubt can be steep. The hunger to win approval can be overwhelming. The festering anxiety of closed-door criticism can be exhausting. The uncertainty and doubt of someones motivation behind a “simple” question can be exasperating. I run the risk of allowing the scars I bear to tell my story the wrong way. More events? More fundraisers? More social gatherings? More games? Yes. Yes. Yes!

Stop.

Somewhere buried beneath all of these questions, hidden behind the scars, is the real question telling the real story:

 

What are we doing to help students become whole-hearted followers of Jesus?

 

This is the question that I am called to help our local gathering of believers to answer. This is the story I seem to so easily forget. This is the question that should nag at me. This is the story I should be talking about with my Leadership Team. This is the story.

 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his wounds we are healed.”

Jesus bears scars that tell the story of his ferocious love for us. May he give us the courage to set our face towards Him as He tells our story.